First Wave
Here’s how I imagine it will be: A cool mist lifts from the sandy shoreline as I test the water temperature with the bottom of my foot. A static-like shock of sensation hits me then passes as my body begins to acclimate to the water and the challenge at hand. I begin to walk, then trot into the ocean, eventually sliding my board out in front of me and flopping onto it. My breathing is shallow, I feel like I’m running a marathon.
I make my way through the shallow surf, no ducking, no dramatic cutting through 6 foot breaks. This is New Smyrna beach, not Oahu. I paddle out a few hundred feet from shore and sit up on my board. I glance up the shoreline at a bunch of local surfers. They probably wonder why I’m surfing so far from the best breaks. They wouldn’t wonder much longer as I prepare to greet my first wave.
The sun begins to warm the ether hanging around me like a hot air balloon as it burns off the last of the morning’s grey velvet haze. I’m breathing much deeper now, calm and free. A wave lifts me above the horizon as it rolls under me, 3 foot swells. I’m ready. Without much ceremony I choose my moment. This is it. I start to paddle, glancing back one more time as if I need to trust that the ocean will do its job. It does. I feel the pull and paddle faster. Then, no more paddling as I grip the front of my boards on both sides. Every muscle from my arms to my feet twitches and pre-loads. Potential energy abounds. As I push down and jump up, dragging my feet up and to the center of my board, there is doubt.
No, not now! Too late. Like a hiccup or a sneeze and completely against my will the doubt just crashes down. ”How did I get here? How did this happen? Is this what I want? Do I deserve this?” The spiral of doubt pulls me back and shoves me off the board. As I go under, the sudden change in atmosphere washes out the negativity. I think “You are here. You do deserve this. This is what you want. Oh, and you may want to Swim.” I stand up in the waist deep water, waves breaking on my back and reel my board toward me by pulling on the cord attached to my ankle. I shake it off and think “On to the next one. THAT’s the one.” Back into the surf I paddle, time for another go. I don’t know why it feels so much like prom nite, but it does.
Every detail matters.
This board is my date and my first wave needs to be perfect.
Time to tell you how I got here.
